We met, Jay and I, lo! those many years ago. We've had our UPS and we've had our DOWNS but through it all, we've had each other. We're not unlike many couples - we both worked outside the home. We took wonderful vacations together. Before too long, we found ourselves in retirement and were happy to get to that part of our lives with few HAVE TOS to deal with. Remember the old adage, God just laughs when you make plans. We'd made plans but God had other plans.
As a little bit of history, Jay had stomach cancer in the early '80s - before I met him. We met in 1986 and I moved from Fort Worth to Dallas into his very own house in 1989. We had a very good life! I had a job I liked and, Jay worked at Stereo East a few days a week. He'd been medically retired from Delta Airlines after his first bout with cancer and this part-time job was a Godsend. It gave him the opportunity to use his brain by learning new things, and to socialize - not just with his co-workers, but with customers and vendors.
In the Spring/Summer of 2007, my Mother got sick and passed away. I was fortunate enough to be able to fly off to New Jersey and spend time with Mom before she passed, and to stay for several weeks after Mom passed, to help my sister, Vicki, with getting things in order. I was away from Jay for nearly two months and when I got home, I noticed he sounded hoarse. That was in August, in September he was diagnosed with laryngeal cancer, and on Halloween, he had successful surgery to remove the tumor. All good, thankfully.
All those wonderful vacations we took together, were to Carmel, California. Now, we're in the summer of 2013. Jay's dad will celebrate his 100th birthday in August. Of course, August is when we typically go to Carmel. We just couldn't go this year as we HAD to go to Iowa to celebrate The Birthday with the Shaff Family.
In early July, I had to take Jay to the ER as he was acting erratic and making no sense. They found that his sodium level was very low, so after two days in the hospital, we were sent back home, making plans to go to Iowa. Jay, of course, internalizes EVERYthing and since Carmel is his dream, he's making himself sick because we can't go this year due to The Dad's 100th birthday; hence the short hospitalization.
In Iowa, Diane, Jay's sister, and a few other folks, put together a beautiful celebration of The 100th Birthday. The party was short and sweet and since the next day was Jay's birthday, we wanted to get back to Dallas as quickly as possible. We left Bettendorf and in less than an hour, Jay's head was bobbing and he appeared to be falling asleep WHILE DRIVING! I drove the remainder of the trip and we got home safe and sound!
The Dad passed away in November of 2014, exactly five months after Diane suddenly passed away. After spending a week getting The Dad's house ready to sell, the funeral/memorial service, we were pretty tired. However, we wanted to get back to Dallas, so we left Bettendorf early and before we got to Des Moines, Jay was nodding at the wheel. Again, I took over and got us home safely.
In February, 2015, I had to call 9-1-1 as Jay was incoherent and his blood pressure was HIGH! He was admitted with the diagnosis of low sodium again. After three days, he was sent home. July of 2015, another trip to the ER with low sodium diagnosis but no overnight stay.
In September, 2015, another trip to the ER and another diagnosis of low sodium. This trip, the Hospitalist, Dr. S., used his brain and noticed Jay's had had several trips to the ER and vowed to find out WHY!!
After 12 days in the hospital and a myriad of tests, he was diagnosed with Moderate Cognitive Impairment [MCI]. Since he had a history of cancer, he'd been seeing Dr. F. who tested him three or four times a year. After the hospitalization, he spent nearly three weeks in rehab, was given a walker, and prescribed six more weeks of out-patient physical therapy. Of course, Jay used his walker two or three times as it's just not manly to do so.
One of the physical therapists told us that a fall was any "unexpected descent to a lower elevation" and believe me, he had a lot of those. Once while walking around the block, he went down on his knees. A neighbor who was mowing his front yard elected to ignore us but thankfully, a worker in another neighbor's yard came to our aid.
Dr. F., the oncologist, ordered a PET scan and found a "spot" in his mediastinum which could be cancer or could be a glob of mucous. So, off to Dr. J., a cardio-thoracic surgeon, for a biopsy. Yep, it was cancer. So, in May and June of 2016, Jay had radiation five days a week for six weeks. PET scan in August showed a little "spot" but it was slow growing so not to worry - just "wait watchfully."
In the meantime, his MCI was being held at bay by NeuroMag and other supplements recommended by a friend who is a nutritionist and in whom I have a great deal of trust.
Since we were waiting watchfully, we took a trip to New Jersey and Vermont to visit family and friends. Of course, due to the MCI, he's been told not to drive so I did all the driving. Tiring but really and truly, I didn't mind the driving part at all. The lugging of the suitcases in and out of hotels was another story.
Due to all the hospital visits and doctors' visits, we decided in May of 2017 to hop in the car and head to Palm Springs, California to get married. "After over 31 years of living together, we decided to take the plunge and get married" was my Facebook announcement. Folks were stunned but it was much easier to be married and maneuver hospitals and doctors. Fun trip and yes, I did all the driving. But the ring Jay gave me more than made up for it!
Jay was having PET scans every three months to keep an eye on the growth. In July of 2017, Dr. J. removed a cancerous lymph node and all the other nodes in the mediastinum. We felt as if he'd gotten it all. However, the September PET scan showed another growth. Off to Dr. A., for another surgical biopsy in November. Dr. A. was very forthcoming with me and after using the word HOSPICE several times, he got my attention. It appears Jay has metastatic cancer for which their is no cure - no source - if one tumor is removed, another will raise its ugly head in another part of his body in the matter of just a few weeks. Dr. F. told us NOT to be be unduly worried as it's slow growing and she assured us she would give us fair warning before hospice needs to be called in.
Dr. H., our primary, has been seeing Jay every three months to keep an eye on his MCI. Now, because of the stress, she sees me every three months as well. She told me that writing a blog would help not only me, but could very well help other folks in this situation.
Jay's now being infused with Erbitux once a week - for the rest of his life. Sometimes the MCI seems like a blessing as he doesn't seem to stress about the cancer, but other times, he is very childlike in his rantings. I often call him My Toddler and when I told this to Dr. H., she said it was true but that he just wouldn't get "older" due to the MCI.
So, that's some history. I'm going to try to use this platform as a way to vent so as not to burden family and friends with my everyday issues. If anyone finds any of this helpful so far or in future postings, please don't hesitate to ask questions. Or give advice.
Thanks for your shoulder! More to come.
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