Sometimes a Good Cry Helps!

Welcome to my roller coaster! The last two weeks have been like the Crazy Mouse on the Boardwalk of Wildwood, NJ back in the day!

Last week we got some good news from Texas Oncology.  The results of his latest PET scan showed that the node has decreased in size form 2.8 mg to 2.3 mg, and it's not absorbing much of the dye! Good news to most folks, but not to Mr. Negative! He HAD said if he'd gotten good news, we'd make plans for a Carmel trip. Not anymore! He's now in fear that "something" will happen to him and he won't be near his doctors. OK, so I can talk until I'm blue in the face to try to convince him that doctors have practices ALL over California! And that his own doctors are a phone call away.  Nope, that's not going to work.  And I've seen his negativity at work in the past.  He got himself so sick over worrying about his dad's 100th birthday and the fact that he was going to miss the Carmel trip because of it, that he had to be hospitalized for a few days. So I'm just not going to try to talk him into the trip.

The memory issues come and go.  Sometimes he can't even change the channel on his remote and has to get me to do it.  I don't mind at all except it hurts my heart to see him failing.

Yesterday's infusion went pretty well.  Problem was, it takes SO long to get the results from the labs and the Erbitux from the pharmacy - nearly an hour and a half yesterday.  But good news was, his magnesium levels were good so he didn't have to have a magnesium infusion.

One thing I've notices in the last few days - and it might be seasonal change - is that he's far more grumpy that normal - for him.  He's always been negative - that's a given, but he's pretty much in control of his temper.  Not so the last few days.  And so while typing this through tears, I'm trying to compose myself. I definitely do NOT want him to become the mean, miserable man his father was and I do my best but boy, I could use a rest!

Signing off for now.